The Curious Incident of the Red Ant in July

It's been some time... that I do not know what's going on in my head, and what's going on with me. It's been some time, I feel like not talking to anyone. I thought people might not be listening after all. I read from the papers, there is a name for this condition -- xxxx.

Few weeks ago, when I was facing the computer screen, I had a strange feeling in my body. I felt like vomiting, as in literally, physically. And there are times where there is an urge to stay away from the computer. I didn't hate it, and the computer didn't irritate me, but my body seems to tell me that way. I talked to a friend who also uses the computer frequently, and she told me, there is a name for this condition too -- yyyy. Then, she advises me to keep away from the computer for a while.

I decided to take her advice. I took a week off from my work. I spent a day painting my room into airy blue. I had a thorough workout, even my palms and fingers ached after that, besides my whole body. But the feeling is way much better than facing the computer. I felt calmer and my mind became quieter, and now I love sleeping in my bedroom.

Since I couldn't work and didn't wish to talk or connect to the others, the simplest thing was to read or to watch a dvd movie. I preferred reading because it can wash away more of your time easily. I started to read Mitch Albom's "ONE MORE DAY". It was really an inspirational and moving story. What encourages me the most was that I manage to finish the book in a week. It's not great, but because I think I'd never read an English story book since "Jack and Jane" (ooh no, it's "Peter and Jane" and think they have a dog called "Jack") in the primary school and maybe "Enid Blyton" in the secondary school (I've read some self-improvement/ inspirational English books though), this is something different to me. I've attempted a few times to read an English book but the stories were always not interesting enough to keep me reading. Therefore, I feel a little happy in my heart with this little achievement. Thus, I went on with the second book called "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time".

I like Christopher Boone in the story. I like the way he would always say what he likes and what he doesn't like. I like the thought of how prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them. Many times, he also makes me laugh. Oopss.. Christopher doesn't like people laughing at him. :p

Because Christopher is a superbly logical person, he would calm himself by giving himself a mathematic problem and solving it. When your mind is occupied by something challenging, but not very complicated that you know you'll be able to handle it, you would feel a little more calmer. Thus maybe when you cannot sort things out, you would have to write it down. Or, keep reading and reading because reading keeps your mind occupied too. I figured that I am not a logical person, so this way may suit me well. This is also why mom would wonder why didn't I fall asleep when reading because she would, and I would wonder why she could keep herself awake and energetic with Sudoku. You might think it is stupid to have established a connection with a fake character in a book, but hey, people also like the fake Spiderman and children like the fake ugly purple cartoon character too (with a very uncute name called Teletoby).

I have many good friends around me. They are really good ones, they are always optimistic and lively. Seeing them makes me smile. So I didn't like the idea of acting strangely or weirdly when I am with them, then I would have see them becoming upset too. I like seeing them happy. H called me the other day since two months ago. He has always called up to ask "how are you"... that is very warm, but still... I didn't want to talk about myself.

So that is why, maybe I was not talking to K face-to-face, but through the virtual space, so I blurted out to her... @#*&(%@)! Because I couldn't see her emotion and reaction, I do not know whether is is right or wrong. But, some friends are truly understanding and forgiving, K is certainly one of them, and so she didn't made me feel that I was strange or weird. And I thanked her for that.

I have no future plans at the moment because it is stupid to have fake pictures in your head about what has not happened (as Christopher said). It's like it could be a sunny day, a rainy day, or half sunny and half rainy day, or half sunny and half cloudy day, and the possibilities go endless so you would end up frustrating yourself. But I would read the following book, which is "Tuesdays with Morrie" and maybe I'll change my mind and write something else. Maybe I would be determined to be a lecturer after I read the book, or maybe, not.